Bargaining with God
My son and I are sitting at the dinner table, frustrated with tear-filled eyes, both wanting to give up. I stare at the second grade addition problem trying to think of another way to explain why the answer he’s gotten is incorrect, but he doesn’t believe me. He’s cut me off because in his little mind, I’m not “the teacher." I can’t recall how many times in the past ten minutes I’ve heard, “that’s not what the teacher said.” I give it one last try, assuring him that because I understand simple arithmetic, I can help him if he is willing to clear his mind and start again. But he’s done. He’s sure he’s right and his teacher will surely affirm his conclusion.
For the sake of peace and sanity, I walk away, into the kitchen to begin cooking dinner. He is angry with me for not helping him more, but the situation has escalated too much for me to be a source of comfort. He pleads for me to help, and I respond, “I will only help you again if you go in your room for ten minutes and cool down. I want you to reset your mind and come back in with clear thoughts.” He’s not happy with the instructions, but he obeys, and I’m proud of his choice.
Ten minutes later, we sit again. Honestly, I’m terrified of another conflict, so I beg for God’s grace to cover my words. I erase the problem (which he’s not thrilled about) and we start again. I suddenly hear him say, “Oh! Wait, mom! I understand what you’re saying now. I thought you meant… That makes sense now.” I exhale a giant breath of relief and thank Jesus for a breakthrough.
Why were we having such a hard time? Because Jacob was convinced I didn’t know how to do simple arithmetic. He was convinced he was right because his teacher had taught him, and surely good ‘ole mom didn’t know what she was talking about. But, because he didn’t want to get a big "X" the next day, he was unwilling to let it go because a little part of him wondered if I might be right. But he couldn’t hear me until he gave up the notion that he was right and I was not.
After all was said and done, my sweet son apologized, “Mama, thanks for helping me even when I got mad at you. I’m sorry.”
Even as a second grader, Jacob had a stronger personality than me. But I’ve had to learn as his mother to hold out until he’s ready to give up. My goal is not to crush him or take away his passion, but I have to be willing to let the Lord use me (as a parent) to teach him when to struggle through and when to give in. I don’t love this job but I know it’s important because I struggle with being able to do this in my own life.
Have you ever wanted something so bad, prayed for something so long, that you naturally assumed it was “God’s will” for your life? But then it doesn't happen? Perhaps we’re not receiving because His answer is “No”, but we don’t want to hear it. We haven't given something to God if we are still trying to make it work. Giving something up means that we pray and walk away. We wait on Him instead of trying to figure out how to "make it happen." Until we let go of the reigns, FOR REAL, we are not really trusting.
When I think about the argument I had with Jacob over his math, I’m aware that I often treat God the same way. I present Him with my problem and what I believe to be the correct solution, except the solution I’ve come up with is not the one He has in mind. I don’t understand because, "I’ve thought this thing out Lord and it makes sense.” And so I spin my wheels, get anxious and apprehensive because “He’s not understanding me.” But, in actuality, I’m not trying to listen or understand Him.
How much faith are we putting in our Savior’s abilities if we treat His throne as a bargaining table? Our trust is only an act if we bring Him our problems, but instead of accepting His solutions, we hold our own with a clenched fist.
Jeremiah 17:9 says “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.”
My son Jacob is an amazing son, but he has a hard time hearing me when his heart is worked up. In the same way, I have a hard time hearing God when my heart is worked up, so I take comfort in this verse. When my heart is doing crazy things, Jesus can filter through all the mess and find the root of the worry, the diagnosis to my hurt, and He can help me. But it’s my job to step back, settle myself, choose to trust, and wait for Him to give me advice and direction. This may take a while, but until I hear from Him, “I will remain confident of this; I will see the goodness of the Lord"… so I will “be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:13-14)
I’m sure each one of us has bargaining chips in our clenched fists. Are there any “deals” you’re trying to make withGod that are keeping you from fully trusting Him and receiving His answer to your prayers?
